We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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