whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
