Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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