Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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