please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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