What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
