Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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