I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
