What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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