If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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