Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
