I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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