the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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