so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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