Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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