so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
