Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
