i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
