I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
