ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
