Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
