i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
