i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
