If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
