I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
