Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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