Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
