everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
