youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
