he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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