apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
