A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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