when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
