Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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