i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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