And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
