Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
