So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
