somebody snuck up and got me drunk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
