I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
