so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
