It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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