Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
