I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
