i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
