And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
