Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
