i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my being single is dangerous.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
