that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
