Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
