he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
