True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
