The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
