Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
