For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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