youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
